You know what I mean? Just off — off kilter, dissatisfied, uncomfortable, for the birds, lame, mediocre, not up to par, schlocky … Is it Mercury being retrograde? Is it because it’s so gray outside? Is it because I exercised yesterday for the first time in months and it hurt and now I don’t want to do it today? It seems that everybody else seems to be exercising and eating right and becoming more and more healthy, while I am sitting around, watching tv, playing a little music, reading, looking out the window and basically doing not much of anything else.
It was my birthday two days ago. Age 69. I figured 69 is actually an age where one starts to think more about one’s mortality. I’m pushing 70, you know, and I don’t like that. I think I got a little panicky. I think I got scared. I think it’s fear that I am feeling.
What if I start exercising, which I don’t like, and it doesn’t do me any good anyway? Remember Jim Fixx? He wrote all these books about the wonderful health benefits of running and he died of a heart attack at age 52. How about Euell Gibbons? He was the one who promoted the wonderful benefits of eating edible wild plants and grape nuts and he died at 64. What the hell difference did it make to them?
Will we all live longer because we exercised and ate healthy foods, and then get to live a few years longer in the nursing home? Medicare probably won’t be around to pay for it anyway. What a BLAH day!